Compassionate Dog Training
Rethinking the ‘Be the Boss’ Approach
Words, Emotions, and Dog Training: Why Definitions Matter
When I was a teen, I remember sitting on the couch in the living room, watching The Dog Whisperer. The advice on TV matched what the adults around me believed: “Be the leader,” “Show the dog who’s boss.”
I didn’t question it. I just assumed that’s how things were done. But here’s the thing: The Dog Whisperer is a reality TV show. And reality TV is, well, not always reality.
The Power of Words
It’s interesting how a television show can influence a generation’s perception of dogs. Have you ever caught yourself repeating something you heard on TV or from a relative, only to realize later it didn’t quite fit your dog or your lifestyle?
The Power of Words
Let’s talk about the “hot words” of dog training:
These words get tossed around a lot. But do we ever stop to ask: What do they actually mean? Before we let emotions take over, maybe we should check the dictionary. (Seriously, try it—some definitions might surprise you.)
What Does “Leader” Mean to You?
What Does “Leader” Mean to You?
For me, leadership is shaped by the mentors I’ve had – both human and canine. I’ve faced my share of adversity, but I wouldn’t be here without the guidance of some incredible people. Leadership, to me, isn’t about being in charge. It’s about listening, learning, and adapting.
Personal Reflection
Personal Reflection
From an early age, mentors taught me the value of genuine listening. They patiently indulged my teenage woes, which, to me, always felt like a catastrophe. While these mentors listened, they also maintained clear personal boundaries, not in a demeaning way, but as a natural part of how they lived. Some things they spent time on, others they learned not to waste their time.
One of the many lessons learned from a mentor
A valuable lesson from a mentor profoundly impacted me: “Your name and your time are the two things you own in life.” Understanding the immense generosity of their time made me appreciate the importance of genuine listening. Instead of focusing on what I intended to say, I learned to truly hear others’ perspectives. Combining this approach with observations of canine communication allows for the development of plans that seamlessly integrate with how people interact with their pets.
The Evolution of Dog Training
I recall an instance when I attempted to “be the leader” during my early dog training career. Well, let me tell you that is the reason why I wanted to focus on specializing in behavior problems that involve growling, biting, and lunging. That appointment shifted my perception of safety precautions needed during dog training appointments. Since then, I have helped numerous dogs and families become more relaxed and happier living together.
The Evolution of Dog Training
Dog training isn’t what it was in the 1980s. Our lives – and our dogs’ lives – have changed. It’s silly not to consider cultural differences and personal perceptions. I now prioritize safety and stress management:
- Prevent disasters or manage them so stress stays low
- Lower stress with activities both dogs and humans enjoy
- Train for real-life patterns, so dogs know what’s expected
- Give dogs instinctual ways to express themselves
Leadership, Mentorship, and Listening
Some of my greatest lessons have come from mentors – both in person and from afar. Here are a few who’ve shaped my thinking:
- Dr. Temple Grandin
- Dr. Jane Goodall
- Dr. Patricia McConnell
- Dr. Ian Dunbar
- Dr. Sophia Yin
- Dr. Jim Crosby
- Dr. Alexandra Horowitz
- Suzanne Clothier
And many more. Some are retiring or passing the torch, which is bittersweet. I’ve learned that effective leadership is clear communication, thoughtful questioning, and, above all, active listening.
Anecdote: The Power of Listening
The Power of Listening
I once worked with a client who clearly felt unheard by every trainer she’d met. She was frustrated, her dog was anxious, and progress was stalled. Instead of jumping in with solutions, I asked her to tell me her story, uninterrupted.
By the end of our conversation, she was in tears – not because of the dog, but because she has been holding in and feeling like a failure and going in circles for years. That’s when real change started.
Suggestions for Dog Owners and Trainers
- Check the definitions. Before using words like “leader” or “dominant,” look up what they mean.
- Listen first. Hear out the dog’s family and observe the dog before making a plan.
- Blend observation with communication. Combine what you see with what the client shares.
- Lower stress for everyone. Use activities both dogs and people enjoy to make learning easier.
- Embrace mentorship. Learn from those who came before, but don’t be afraid to adapt.
Final Thoughts
Words matter. Definitions matter. But listening matters most. Stop talking… If we combine clear communication, open minds, and a willingness to learn – from dogs and from each other – we’ll all be better trainers, leaders, and humans.
What words have shaped your relationship with your dog? Share your story – I’d love to hear it!